


The More Things Change the More they Stay the Same

by Sunsinourhands



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5120393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunsinourhands/pseuds/Sunsinourhands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for tumblr user papercranesareflying for the HxH Summer Exchange 2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The More Things Change the More they Stay the Same

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lavendre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavendre/gifts).



“I don’t like it,” Palm said, setting down the sugar spoon and turning her gaze from the café window to the table.

The ring of sugar around the cup from Palm’s ‘misses’ was nearing an inch deep, and the very peak of Mount Sugar poking out of Palm’s coffee still remained pure white. By this point, the coffee was more of a slurry—more sugar than coffee.

“Oh?” Bisky wasn’t sure which subject Palm was finally going to talk about. After the events of the past few months, there was plenty for the younger hunter to be upset or angry about. Or, both. From Bisky’s perspective, everyone put on a brave face during the Chairman Election. It was easier to turn anxiety and fear into anger and action. Hunters didn’t like waiting. There was something about the sort of person that became a Hunter that made them run from silence. They ran from their thoughts.

But, bit by bit, Bisky watched the others around her begin to fold in on themselves—now that the danger was past and there was more time to think. One by one, Morel, his apprentices, and the others checked out of the hospital. One by one, their steps slowed as each Hunter felt like their destination was uncertain. But, the dread of stagnation kept them putting one foot in front of the other as they reconsidered their individual destinations. At least, that was the case for those not involved in the journey to the Dark Continent.

Morel, he’d grabbed up another stray apprentice, hadn’t he? Now he and his growing brood of younger Nen users were headed back to the sea. He and Bisky had exchanged emails and phone numbers right after Gon was healed. Maybe Morel and his stray kittens could find some inner peace at the ocean. Maybe. With any luck.

Knov retired to somewhere in the mountains. So where did that leave Palm? Bisky wondered if the dark haired woman secretly wished someone, anyone, had taken her somewhere else, too. But, the Treasure Hunter couldn’t be sure. Palm was half and half exactly the same as she was before the transformation, and half someone else entirely. She still cooked for an army, and the sugar still piled up around her coffee cups. But, her eyes didn’t look for the same people and objects that they once did.

So which of these things had finally built up enough pressure inside Palm?

“Gon and Killua. I don’t think Gon really understands what he’s done. The whole thing is pretty messed up,” Palm continued.

“He doesn’t…he isn’t capable of understanding when he shouldn’t go too far or when he should censor his thoughts. He doesn’t understand how extreme he should or not…” the tall woman let the sentence hang half-finished.

“I think you’re right,” Bisky agreed, playing with the dessert spoon in her hand.

Both women kept their voices low. Palm stared at her coffee. Bisky looked past the parfait in front of her. Those two boys were strong. Monstrously strong. Quick learners. Their clumsiness around each other didn’t seem right. Quite frankly, Gon’s lack of responsibility for his own actions was troubling to say the least. Bisky could easily see him going down a dark path, if only via his own carelessness.

“Given Killua’s background, I’m not surprised. Children from families like his tend to be obsessive over their first real friend. The fact that Gon’s absolutely clueless about his selfishness doesn’t help,” Palm couldn’t help but wonder about herself in that moment.

How was it that only after her transformation into a Chimera Ant could she finally gain this clarity? That was the worst shock of all. The scales on her body could be hidden, and even felt somehow natural. How pretty they were when wet, how they glimmered in the sun. Once in a while, she caught herself feeling sorry for women without iridescent, beautiful scales. Surely they looked at her beautiful limbs and felt envy. So, that change was livable.

Nothing could have prepared Palm for the series of shocking moments when she laid eyes upon the people she thought she knew only to realize they weren’t at all the same as that person in her mind. Those impressions felt like brands in her mind, while the idol of what she thought each of her acquaintances disintegrated into sand. Then, it was gone.

How could it be she was so easily charmed by that boy? How was it that it took Killua to shake her out of the last dreamy remains of that spell? Hated Killua. Meddling Killua. Reviled Killua. Rude Killua. Insufferable Killua. Weeping Killua. Paralyzed Killua. Wounded Killua.

In the end, it wasn’t anything special about Gon or Knov. They didn’t cast a spell on her. Palm cast it upon herself. Now that it fell apart in her hands, there were no Charming Princes. There were only boys who could not fully comprehend the ripples of sorrow they caused, and men who wanted to care, but couldn’t even meet her eyes. Couldn’t help but dodge out of her way if they happened to cross paths in the hall. And so she met with Biscuit Krueger, the one person whose image had not disintegrated in Palm’s mind, every day for an afternoon snack.

“Killua’s going to travel with his sister for a while. The separation will be good for both of those boys,” Bisky said.

“Oh? She was cute,” Palm commented.

“Wasn’t she? Hard to believe she’s related to that shitty brat, Killua,” Bisky’s comment sounded half-hearted, even to her.

“You know, he was thinking about asking Gon to come.  Killua, that is. I had a talk with him, and I think he understands. As they are right now, those two boys are no good for each other. Maybe in a few years, things will be able to work out,” the Treasure Hunter added.

Maybe.

Maybe in a few years they’d all be better for each other.

Palm found herself staring, and just staring, at that cup of sugar and coffee again. Was it strange that she found herself torn between a wish for her previous naivety and scornful of the same? There was that saying, that ignorance was bliss. Even when she stressed herself out over impressing Knov and even stalked him from a short distance, even that did somehow seem blissful in comparison to clear sight. At least then her heart beat so fast that Palm thought it might throw itself up her throat and out of her body.

This. This was slow. The daily routine of waking, showering, dressing, and eating dragged on and on at a pace that seemed almost impossible. Without an obsession, there was little to occupy Palm’s thoughts aside from just how sluggish life was. She found herself watching the clock every day for her appointment with Bisky. She watched the clock during their get-togethers. She watched it afterwards for bedtime. Then she stared at the ceiling, occasionally turning her head to watch the clock then.

Could she live like this?

Bisky spoke, throwing Palm from her thoughts.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” The Gem Hunter halved a peach slice with her spoon, then ate it.

“What?” Palm asked.

“Feeling lost in your twenties. The path you’ve taken didn’t take you where you thought it would—or it did, but you aren’t sure that’s where you want to be,” the older woman sighed.

“It happens to a lot of us. And it’s the worst it will ever be right now, because it’s a new kind of pain,” the blond added.

“So what do I do?” Palm turned her gaze upwards to Bisky. She wasn’t sure if her question came out angry, or pathetic. It felt like both. Regardless of how Bisky interpreted Palm’s question, the older woman didn’t give any indication of judgment against Palm. Bisky shrugged, scooping up caramel sauce and ice-cream into her spoon.

“Go shopping. Get your nails done. Eat your favorite foods. Go to a spa. There’s no point in trying to think of what to do at this point. It’s like trying to find something lost—you won’t find it until you stop paying attention. Maybe you’ll figure out a new direction in a week. Maybe it’ll take a few years. If you need to, make some money by being a Hunter exam proctor and pick on the examinees for a few years between shopping trips,” Bisky grinned.

Palm peered at Bisky, feeling certain in that moment that Bisky had done exactly that for a number of years. She could imagine it. It was almost too easy.

“Anyway, it happens to almost all of us. I’m not trying to diminish your pain when I say that, either. It just gets easier with age, when you know you can survive it if only because you have survived it several times.”

What would life be like, Palm wondered, if she only did things she enjoyed instead of worrying how she appeared to the latest object of affection? More parfaits. Maybe she’d try something different with her hair. There were almost too many choices.

Palm’s phone buzzed. A text message.

The human woman-turned-Chimera-Ant picked up her phone. There was a message from Morel’s new apprentice. When was the last time someone sent Palm a text that wasn’t related to work? What would it be like to have a new friend at this age as opposed to a co-worker?

Biscuit Krueger smiled around her ice cream spoon. There it was, the seed of change.

Maybe in a few year’s they’d all be better for each other.


End file.
